This year I’ve been sharing more consistently on TikTok, trying to make a post every day to help with the algorithm—something I never really envisioned having to do.
I’m naturally more reserved, introverted, so publicly talking and showing up on camera has always been a struggle for me. It still is. I try not to force myself to be on camera because I don’t feel like I need to.
Sometimes a post is just a photo of the work. Sometimes it’s a time lapse of my process. Sometimes it’s something small or random that happened to me, or just coming on and saying—this is what I’m working on right now, this is what I need to do, or this is what I’ve been avoiding. And sometimes it’s just being honest and saying I’m having a blah day.
In some ways, I’ve started to look at posting as a form of accountability to myself. Being self-employed, I’m the one who has to come up with the strategy, the promotion, all of it—and that’s honestly my least favorite part. I love to create. I love being in my space and getting lost in a painting. But I also know that having some sense of structure is necessary, even if that structure looks different from day to day.
Some days it’s movement and making. Other days it’s just sitting with something a little longer.
I don’t have coworkers to bounce ideas off of or ask for opinions. Instead, I throw things out into the ether and see where they land. Sometimes there’s a response, sometimes just a few likes, and sometimes nothing at all. I’m constantly reminding myself that can’t be the thing that drives me.
The creating has to be for me. For my sanity, my sense of being, my way of expressing what I don’t always say out loud.
And I think that’s where it can get complicated for a lot of artists—trying not to slip into something that feels performative and losing sight of the real reason behind creating in the first place.
My work has always been intuitive. It’s not planned or designed, it’s felt. And when I try to force it just to film content, I can feel the difference immediately. It feels off. Like I’m trying to be something I’m not. And I don’t want that to become the reason I’m making.
So I’ve been trying to find a balance. I’ve adjusted my studio in a way that makes it easier to film when I feel like it—not all the time, not every day, just when it feels right. And even then, I try to forget the camera is there, because most of my process depends on shutting everything else out. Having a camera and a light set up can sometimes feel like the opposite of that, like it’s asking me to perform instead of just be present with the work.
I don’t really have a formula for any of this. I’m not approaching it in a structured, strategic way every time. I’m letting it happen when it feels natural, not because I feel like I have to prove anything or justify my worth as an artist.
Not everything needs to become content.
Some things are meant to stay in the process, just for me, at least for a little while.
